The Purge

Lunch today? Sonic. A diet coke, jr. burger (mayo, ketchup and tomato) and a banana. I have started leaving a bag of pretzels at my desk just in case I need a little tiding over until dinner. (Like now.)

The title of today's blog: The Purge. Sunday night I purged our kitchen. I removed all canned vegetables, all desert mixes, lasagna noodles, jiffy mix, milk straws, marshmallows. I then moved to the fridge. Out goes tortellini noodles and corned beef. Bye-bye to the ice creams, popsicles, cream cheese icing, almond bard, chocolate, Tony's pizzas and microwave dinners.

I felt poor as a pauper when I finished. Left in the freezer were Mike's pizza rolls he takes to work, turkey bacon, bags of frozen veggies and Caden's fries and dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets.

Last night I baked a full (small) chicken. I then sauted squash with a few onions. It was sauteed in 2T of butter and later I added a small amount of water to help steam the veggies. It end result was essentially the same as what adding more butter would have done, but it was healthier.

We have switched to canola oil. We ridded our pantry of all canned veggies. Why? Because fresh and frozen contain more nutrients than canned. And most times, you can get frozen veggies cheaper and with more servings.

It's a matter of picking the right choice. Eat This and Not That says that you don't have to give up what you like, just make the right decisions. And it's not always a matter of fat or calories. It's sugar and fiber and sodium. Many of your lower calorier/lower fat foods contain an outrageous amount of sodium to make up for the lack of the other.

Tonight is aerobis and I am really looking forward to it. I had to miss last night and missed it! Tomorrow is another day that I won't be able to walk without groaning, but at least I'm doing something to make myself healthier!

Remember, this is not a three-step process! It's not something that will happen tomorrow or the day after! This is a lifetime commitment. And I am excited about it. Can you tell? ;)

Tonight's menu: a breakfast sandwich. Smoked turkey, fried egg, melted cheese, guacamole, tomoato all on a slightly toasted english muffin. Simple. And good.

I was absolutely AMAZED at how many of you sent me messages on Facebook yesterday! Thanks for the support and for voicing your own struggles with weight and being healthy. We can do this together.

Last night dinner was relatively simple. I am not jumping feet first into eating 'blah diet food' because let's face it - who wants to eat that food and how does that help keep us motivated? We don't and it doesn't. Plain and simple.

I read everyone's replies to my question 'What's for dinner' and after hearing Annette's comment, I decided to break out the ole panini grill. This was our set-up:



We had smoked cajun turket, whole wheat bread (amazingly only 40 calories per slice, although we're not counting calories [it said it on the package]), sliced swiss and mozzarella cheeses, basil pesto, majo, carmalized onions and bacon. We are trying to cut back and eat healthier. The calorie counting, point counting, etc. will come after we learn portion control.

I ate a few fat free pretzels with my sandwich, and half a grapefruit left over from an earlier snack. I will say however I couldn't forgo my coke. I mean, honestly! Baby steps, people!

Here is what my finished panini looked like:



It was delicious! I put it on the smaller plate so that it would hopefully fool my mind into thinking it was more than if it had been on an actual dinner plate.

Tonight is aerobics. In an hour, acutally. I am looking forward to going to getting my hiney whipped again. It is just one step on a journey of many steps. But then again? How do you eat an elephant?

ONE BITE AT A TIME.

Day 13

Last night I went home to am empty house and ate my bowl of cereal with a banana. I drank my diet coke. And I wanted to cry. Did I want the 'Any size, any topping, any pizza for $10' from Pizza Hut instead of my wheat chex? You betcha. Did I want 'The Real Thing' instead of diet? Right again.

I was lost last night in self-pity and self-degredation. I look in the mirror every morning only to see this overweight person. I know it's me in there somewhere. And yet I wonder 'What in the world happened to my mirror? When did the image looking back at me get this way?'

How did I let this happen? I think somewhere between being wife and new mommy and a full-time professional, it became too easy to eat Sonic instead of a turkey sandwich. It became habit to eat delicious foods and just buy clothes in a size larger.

I am seriously ashamed of myself. And I have no one to blame but myself.

Which is why I am trying to eat healthier. I am going to aerobics. But dang it, today I can hardly move. I am used to giving 500% so to have to stop in the middle of cardio because I can't breathe? It was torture. To stop sprinting because I just couldn't take it much longer? I could liken it to having my fingernails pulled off.

I harbor no illusions that I will ever be 'Before Caden Lori' but I would settle for the 'After Caden Lori' to weigh in at 200 lbs. Which having said that, let me assure you, I have a long way to go to see those numbers on any scale I step onto.

LIke most women I think I have a disillusionment about my body image. It's odd because I think I am smaller than I am until I pass my reflection in the studio window or catch a glimpse in a mirror. And then I am stopped short in my tracks. My water lily tattoo down my side is now a complete flower garden.

I say all this not as a tool to get sympathy, I am sharing this because I know a majority of the women I know are on this same path. Maybe my journey towards Skinnydom will help someone. Just one person.

A Very {un}New Year's Resolution

I have started a revitalization process. I have become the mother that I never wanted to be. I have let myself go.

Forget makeup.

Forget lingerie.

Forget forget feeling good about myself.

Forget hairspray.

Forget shaving my legs past the knee.

Welcome to my world: pony tails, spanx and 40 extra pounds around my waist.

Hello saggy boobs, hello short fingernails and hello to you, dark circles under my eyes.

But this must end. And N.O.W.

Yesterday I cut my hair off and highlighted the mousy brown right out of my system. I have worn make-up for past three days.

I vow not to go to Wal-Mart in my pjs (unless it's Monday which is my off day) and I will not wear my hair in my {in}famous Bam Bam Flintstone style out in public.

This is the Revitalization of Me.

I am going to lose this weight. I am going to eat healthy{ier}. I am going to be a beautiful mom.

I have no heart.

I had the bed to myself last night. Daddy and The Boy had a night to themselves in the guest bedroom. As I went to leave the house this morning, I couldn't help but peek in and see my two favorite people while they're asleep and so peaceful.

Caden stirred at the sound of the door opening, but didn't full awaken. Instead, he says, 'Daddy?' and Mike, half asleep, mumbles, 'Huh?' as he puts his arm around Caden and snuggles him closer. And then in the sweetest, most heartbreaking little voice, my son tells my husband, 'Love you.'

And I closed the door, leaving the two halves of my heart asleep in bed.

Southern Hospitality? You betcha.

In the South we pride ourselves on our hospitality. We say our Yes Ma'ams and No Sirs when called for and our Thank You and Pleases can't be forgotten.

I haven't always been a southern girl. I 'transplanted' into this great state when I was 11. The concept of ma'ams and sirs was completely foreign to me. We greeted people by Lori, not Miss Lori. I prefer for people to call me Lori and I don't get offended (much) when kids just say yes or no to me.

HOWEVER, I was back in Oklahoma for the Thanksgiving weekend. We had just finished eating and were still sitting around the dining room table when my cousin's child (who is the first grade) started throwing/hitting a ball into the air. She had already been told at least three times before to not do this. So, in my best mother's polite tone I asked her please not throw the ball in the house. Her reply to me?

I know.

I think I got whiplash from popping my head around to her direction.

I thought, 'Did she just really tell me 'I know'?' I was completely ready to tell her to say yes/no ma'am when it hit me.

I wasn't in the south anymore.

And that's when my views on southern hospitality changed. You see, I used to view it as just a thing the southerners do. Now I see it as a sign of respect. It tells those around you that you recognize them as your elders and respect their position.

So, my pride in my southern upbringing shown through. My child will be respectful and will know that it's not okay to tell adults 'I know' or say 'what?' when they are addressed. It's just a matter of respect.

There's nothing better than that southern hospitality.

And the award goes to . . .

Lately I've been 'woe is me'-ing a lot. It's not easy to be a working mom of a two-year old who thinks his way is the ONLY way and who will throw a fit just because I want to close the shower door while I'm shaving my legs. THANK. YOU.

And then it hit me: I am half of a duo. I am only ONE part of a TWO person equation. And then sadly, I realized I must remove my Super Mom cape and hand it directly to . . . . my sister.

My sister is a single mother to a beautiful, imaginative, creative, charming and sweet-loving little boy. She is the bread winner in her family. She is the mother, father, laundress, seamstress, waitress, cook, housekeepper and all-around handy person. She takes on the job and takes it on with a smile. I cannot remember hearing her complain about terrible-twos or how it would be nice to just have a moment of alone time. And when I realize this, it makes me feel completely selfish.

So, my award for Super Mom, Great Sisiter and just all-around Good Person goes to my sister. I love you, Ash.