I have no heart.

I had the bed to myself last night. Daddy and The Boy had a night to themselves in the guest bedroom. As I went to leave the house this morning, I couldn't help but peek in and see my two favorite people while they're asleep and so peaceful.

Caden stirred at the sound of the door opening, but didn't full awaken. Instead, he says, 'Daddy?' and Mike, half asleep, mumbles, 'Huh?' as he puts his arm around Caden and snuggles him closer. And then in the sweetest, most heartbreaking little voice, my son tells my husband, 'Love you.'

And I closed the door, leaving the two halves of my heart asleep in bed.

Southern Hospitality? You betcha.

In the South we pride ourselves on our hospitality. We say our Yes Ma'ams and No Sirs when called for and our Thank You and Pleases can't be forgotten.

I haven't always been a southern girl. I 'transplanted' into this great state when I was 11. The concept of ma'ams and sirs was completely foreign to me. We greeted people by Lori, not Miss Lori. I prefer for people to call me Lori and I don't get offended (much) when kids just say yes or no to me.

HOWEVER, I was back in Oklahoma for the Thanksgiving weekend. We had just finished eating and were still sitting around the dining room table when my cousin's child (who is the first grade) started throwing/hitting a ball into the air. She had already been told at least three times before to not do this. So, in my best mother's polite tone I asked her please not throw the ball in the house. Her reply to me?

I know.

I think I got whiplash from popping my head around to her direction.

I thought, 'Did she just really tell me 'I know'?' I was completely ready to tell her to say yes/no ma'am when it hit me.

I wasn't in the south anymore.

And that's when my views on southern hospitality changed. You see, I used to view it as just a thing the southerners do. Now I see it as a sign of respect. It tells those around you that you recognize them as your elders and respect their position.

So, my pride in my southern upbringing shown through. My child will be respectful and will know that it's not okay to tell adults 'I know' or say 'what?' when they are addressed. It's just a matter of respect.

There's nothing better than that southern hospitality.

And the award goes to . . .

Lately I've been 'woe is me'-ing a lot. It's not easy to be a working mom of a two-year old who thinks his way is the ONLY way and who will throw a fit just because I want to close the shower door while I'm shaving my legs. THANK. YOU.

And then it hit me: I am half of a duo. I am only ONE part of a TWO person equation. And then sadly, I realized I must remove my Super Mom cape and hand it directly to . . . . my sister.

My sister is a single mother to a beautiful, imaginative, creative, charming and sweet-loving little boy. She is the bread winner in her family. She is the mother, father, laundress, seamstress, waitress, cook, housekeepper and all-around handy person. She takes on the job and takes it on with a smile. I cannot remember hearing her complain about terrible-twos or how it would be nice to just have a moment of alone time. And when I realize this, it makes me feel completely selfish.

So, my award for Super Mom, Great Sisiter and just all-around Good Person goes to my sister. I love you, Ash.

What's all the fuss about?

I've been asking myself this eternally baffling question alot the last little bit (besides Did Elvis really die? Where IS Amelia Earheart? Where is Atlantis and who made the Bimini Road?)

How do I manage being: wife, mother, professional, cook, seamstress, closet cleaner-outer, friend, aunt, daughter, sister, laundry mistress and still have time to be Lori?

You know, don't get me wrong - I LOVE being a mother and wife. But as a woman, I often feel forgotten. I feel overlooked, underappreciated. I am too tired in the mornings to do anything besides throw on clothes and half-way dry my hair. Makeup? Got it. Put it on? Forget about it.

Where are the days of hair gel, long showers, lotion on my legs? Or the days of buying myself new underwear instead of pull-ups for The Boy?

Prime example of a wife/mother's deep love: I got The Hubs a PS3 last year for Christmas with the understand that this year's big gift would go to me! And alas! We're going to Disney in February so we're forgoing Christmas gifts for each other! So, no new pots and pans. No new jeans. No new baubles.

But I'm okay with that. Because this morning I watched the two most spectacular people in the world cuddle in bed and watch Dinosaur Train. And in the evenings, when I'm all worn out and just want 5 minutes of Lori time? Well, I hear, 'Mommy? Mommy? Wuv ou.'

And then I smile and say with complete energy and unreserved love:

I love you, too, baby.

L i v e O u t L o u d

A friend just posted this on his facebook status:

Many people come and go in our lives. There are only a few people that are going on the way with you in your life - Family, Jesus, Close friends. Pour your life into those you love.

I love that last line. Pour your life, yourself, your all into those you love.

On my desk, and now covered with a Sonic glass (from yesterday), a jump drive and various papers, is a tile that I keep as a reminder of how I want to live my life. It states plainly and straight-forwardly: LIVE OUT LOUD.

Life isn't a dress-rehersal, people. It's the real deal. I choose to live my life fairly and honestly. I worship God, not because it's how I was brougth up, but because He shows Himself to me in my everyday life.

Live out loud. Is there any better way?

On my own tropical island . . . with Miguel and my iPod.

It recently occured to me: 1) my family says every song I hear is my favorite and 2) I should make my own soundtrack to my life (I admit, I stole this idea from my friend, Tiff).

Do you realize hard it is for me to compile a list of my all-time favorite songs? Well, here's going . . . and in no particular order.

Your Mama Don't Dance & Your Daddy Don’t Rock ‘n Roll, Dr. Hook

Well, my parents ARE cool enough to do either, but they just don't.

Best of You, Foo Fighters

Because we all want to have the best of someone and to give our best back to them.

Remember When, Alan Jackson

Makes me think of where I've been, where I am and where I'll eventually be.

Day O, Harry Belafonte

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!!!

You're So Vain, Carly Simon

My mother had to panomine this in high school and I always loved this song.

Fans, Kings Of Leon

My favorite band, need I say more?

Warm And Tender Love, Percy Sledge

For The Hubs.

Love Me Tender, Elvis Presley

For Caden.

Johnny and June, Heidi Newfield

Who wouldn't want a love like that?

My Doorbell, The White Stripes

Makes me think of getting tattooed.

Shining Star, The Manhattans

For both my boys.

Bossy, Kelis ft. Too Short

Well, just because I'm bossy.

Heaven, Bryan Adams

The Hubs and My song. Was playing when he proposed to me

and sang to him at our wedding.

Jesus Freak, DC Talk

I AM A JESUS FREAK.

Tomorrow Is a Long Time, Bob Dylan

*sighs* Bob Dylan

Three Little Birds, Bob Marley
Don't worry! Every little thing is gonna be alright!

Jerk It Out, The Caesars

Wind me up, put me down, start me up and watch me go!

Heavy Cross, Gossip

Love the beat, her voice; just a great song.

Slow Dance, John Legend

Baby-makin' music.

If I Could Just Sit With You Awhile , Jami Smith

Imagine sitting with God for just a minute. What would you say?

Unknown Legend, Neil Young

We would all love to be known as legends. I'd settle for being an unknown legend.

Photograph, Nickelback

I'm a photographer - did you really think I wouldn't?

Come Again, Travis Taylor

When I can't find my way, God always finds me.

In Color, Jamey Johnson

Where did you come from? Who are you?

We've Got Tonight, Bob Seger

The Hubs and I listened to this song on our first date in January 1997.

Be Still and Know, Steven Curtis Chapman

'Be Still and know that I am God'

Samson, Regina Spektor

I loved you first, Babe.

Sweet Pea, Amos Lee

The Hubs ringtone.

Child Of God, Jamie Morgan

This was played a baby's funeral that I attended. It touched me.

If Heaven, Andy Griggs

We are living our lives as best we can on earth, why not enjoy it while we're here?

Long Cool Woman In A Black Dress, The Hollies

Groovy.

You Are God Alone (Not a God), Phillips, Craig & Dean

Amen.

Roll With Me, Montgomery Gentry

The Hubs loves this song.

Hold Me Jesus, Brown

My prayer.

The World I Know, Collective Soul

*sighs* The angst ridden teenage years.

Slow Dancin’, Johnny Rivers

The song we danced our first dance to as Mr. and Mrs.

In My Arms, Plumb
I want my beautiful child to know and feel like he's always safe in my arms.

Apologize, OneRepublic

The lead singer has sexy faux-hawk hair.

For Sentimental Reasons, Nat King Cole

When Caden can't go to sleep, I sing this song to him.

Clocks, Cold Play

I just want to drive fast and roll all the windows down. My 'writing' song.

Cupid, Otis Redding

An oldie but goodie.

Long As I Can See The Light, Creedence Clearwater Revival

My family is my light in this song.

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother, Cher

I am very loyal to my friends.

Where'd You Go, Fort Minor

2005 - 2007

Good Life, Cocoa Tea

She said she wants a good life, no man to cause her pain and strife.

Nights In White Satin, Moody Blues

Another oldie.

Cold, Crossfade

I'm sorry.

King Without a Crown, Matisyahu
This dude just ROCKS. I mean, an hassidic jew who sings/raps reggae? That ROCKS.

100 Years, Five For Fighting

I have so much to still accomplish.

Adoration, Newsboys

Listen the words. Image yourself as the little drummer boy.

Come let us adore Him! He has come down to this barren land where

we live and all I have to give is Adoration!

On My Wedding Day, Don Henley

You were so handsome on our wedding day.

Sweetly Broken, Jeremy Riddle

I am sweetly broken. Please continue to break me, Lord.

Youth of the Nation, P.O.D.

Turn it up and sing it loud!

Live Your Life, T.I. & Rhianna

Be an individual. Be yourself. Don't conform for anyone.

One More Day With You, Diamond Rio

Jerrid Michael Whitwell

When God Ran, Phillips, Craig & Dean

Ask my sister.

L-O-V-E, Nat King Cole

Who can top Nat?

Levon, Elton John

MY favorite Elton John song!

Jersey Girl, 8 To The Bar

Just a good song.

Baby It's Cold Outside, Leon Redbone & Zooey Deschanel

My FAVORITE Christmas-time song!

Love Remains the Same, Gavin Rossdale

Because love does NOT always remain the same. You have to work at it.

Do You Think I’m Sexy?, Rod Stewart

Ask The Hubs.

Wake Me Up When September Ends, Green Day

My 2nd all-time favorite song.

It's A Great Day to Be Alive, Pat Green & Cory Morrow

Everyday is a blessing.

The Words I Would Say, Sidewalk Prophets

If I were to find out I didn't have anytime left on Earth, this is what I would say to Caden.

I’ll Stand By You, The Pretenders

For Ashley.

Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler

Because I'm Daddy's Bright Eyes.

Grow Old With Me, Mary Chapin Carpenter

The song I chose song to walk down the aisle to!

Nothing Fancy, Dave Barnes

Describes my love for my husband.

Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves, Cher

Anyone who knows me knows I love my gypsy-side.

Tupelo Honey, Morrison

My ALL-TIME favorite song

Don't Fear the Reaper, Nick Cave (HIM)

Good cover.

Wherever You Will Go, The Calling

For my husband during the years of 2000 - 2002

Let Me, Pat Green

Let me be the one who sets your feet on solid ground!

Let It Be, The Beatles

Why worry about things we can't change?

Set The World On Fire, Britt Nicole

I wanna set the world on fire until it's burnig bright for You!

Fast Car, Tracy Chapman

The acoustic version is best.

Carry On, Pat Green

Pat Green is just awesome.

Daydream Believer, Mary Beth Maziarz

Cheer up Sleepy Jean . . .

Wind me up, put me down, start me off and watch me go!

I am just your typical mother, wife and professional. I go by many names: Lori, Baby Girl, Mommy, Re, Hey You . . . Many days I feel like the human personifciation of Baba Ganesh. I tend to go a little overboard (on everything). I put 100% of myself into my family. I am a Christian, constantly growing and becoming stronger in my faith.

Follow me through the looking glass . . . we'll see what happens.