Last night I went home to am empty house and ate my bowl of cereal with a banana. I drank my diet coke. And I wanted to cry. Did I want the 'Any size, any topping, any pizza for $10' from Pizza Hut instead of my wheat chex? You betcha. Did I want 'The Real Thing' instead of diet? Right again.
I was lost last night in self-pity and self-degredation. I look in the mirror every morning only to see this overweight person. I know it's me in there somewhere. And yet I wonder 'What in the world happened to my mirror? When did the image looking back at me get this way?'
How did I let this happen? I think somewhere between being wife and new mommy and a full-time professional, it became too easy to eat Sonic instead of a turkey sandwich. It became habit to eat delicious foods and just buy clothes in a size larger.
I am seriously ashamed of myself. And I have no one to blame but myself.
Which is why I am trying to eat healthier. I am going to aerobics. But dang it, today I can hardly move. I am used to giving 500% so to have to stop in the middle of cardio because I can't breathe? It was torture. To stop sprinting because I just couldn't take it much longer? I could liken it to having my fingernails pulled off.
I harbor no illusions that I will ever be 'Before Caden Lori' but I would settle for the 'After Caden Lori' to weigh in at 200 lbs. Which having said that, let me assure you, I have a long way to go to see those numbers on any scale I step onto.
LIke most women I think I have a disillusionment about my body image. It's odd because I think I am smaller than I am until I pass my reflection in the studio window or catch a glimpse in a mirror. And then I am stopped short in my tracks. My water lily tattoo down my side is now a complete flower garden.
I say all this not as a tool to get sympathy, I am sharing this because I know a majority of the women I know are on this same path. Maybe my journey towards Skinnydom will help someone. Just one person.